How to Belong in High School

By Tico Baez

Growing up, I was always compared to my three masculine brothers. My siblings criticized me for caring about my appearance whereas my brothers could wear the same shirt everyday for a week and not be criticized. I was constantly pushed to join a sports team but my siblings were never asked to join an artistic or academic club. In high school, they played on the football team, while I performed in drama classes.

These comparisons made me feel like I didn’t belong in my own family. It seemed like no one around me was listening to me, about what I wanted. The arts became my outlet. I felt I could be myself in drama club. By my senior year, my friends accepted me just as I was. Most importantly, I felt like I could be myself regardless of others’ criticism or comparisons.

Recently, YES Institute was invited to Florida Atlantic University’s Alexander D. Henderson High School. I decided to tag along as an observer. YES Institute facilitators spoke to the entire freshman class about the expectations we all learn about gender and the assumptions we make about orientation.

During the dialogue the students were very active in the discussion.

These were some of my favorite quotes:

“I learned that people are bullied and targeted based on gender expression, not orientation. I’ve never thought of that before.”

“I have a friend who is transgender, and when Sam was talking about when he wanted to kill himself, I understood how my friend felt.”

“Your body does not decide your gender.”

“Our society is very eager to place labels on experiences that are universal. The YES Institute dialogue impacted me to think about my words and thoughts.”

I never had a discussion like this when I was in high school. It inspired me to think about all the students who may be feeling the way I did growing up, and now have a new way of thinking about gender and orientation.

These students have the opportunity to be themselves, and not have to follow the expectations set by society.

New Voices in the Catholic Church

By Roxy Sora, Chair of the Board of Directors

Roxy Sora

Growing up Catholic, it was very challenging to accept my orientation. Because I felt like the two identities were incompatible, I eventually left the Catholic church that had been such a huge part of my life. Almost immediately, I felt an emptiness, a missing.

A few years down the road, I spoke to a priest who was also a family friend. When he asked me what I was doing there, I simply said, “I need you to tell me that I'm okay.” I will always remember his response: “You have every right to attend the communion table as anyone else.”  This opened up a whole new perspective for me, and I was able to return to the church with a whole heart.

It was the very same priest who first shared information about YES Institute with me. After I became involved with YES Institute as a volunteer, and later as the Chair of the Board of Directors, I knew I wanted to bring our work to the Catholic Church. I didn't know how I was going to make that happen, but I knew I was committed to finding a way.

The seed of opportunity was planted towards the end of 2013 when YES Institute was invited to a health fair at St. John Neumann. I asked my father Efrain, and sister Cristy, to volunteer at the YES Institute booth as they’re both avid supporters and investors in the work of YES Institute. My father, a preacher for several years, was approached by a colleague he knew from Christ the King Catholic Church. After sharing about YES Institute, we were invited to facilitate a community dialogue on bullying, gender and orientation with the High School Youth Group at Christ the King.

The youth leader began the meeting with a beautiful reflection about being open minded and the importance of “rethinking” topics we sometimes avoid or resist.  Brittney, YES Institute’s Program Manager, created a space for open and authentic communication and sharing among the youth, families and church members present for the dialogue. I also had the incredible opportunity to share about my journey reconciling my orientation and my relationship with the church.

After I shared, it became very clear that these topics deeply impacted everyone in the room. The students candidly shared about gender based bullying masked as gay slurs, seen at school every day. Parents expressed helplessness at not knowing how to create safer homes and classrooms. Many shares were about close family members who struggle to accept their own orientation.  

The evening was a truly magical experience for me.  Ripple effects are happening with more requests coming from other communities of faith. One of the participants expressed an interest in inviting YES Institute to speak at her Religious Studies class at St. Thomas University. Also, Christ the King's Youth Leader is connecting YES Institute with a nearby Catholic church to bring this conversation to their youth group.

This one evening reignited my passion and commitment to creating communities of faith where EVERYONE feels accepted, safe and loved. I am so thankful to have been a part of it, and I cannot wait to see where YES Institute will go next!

A Father’s Love

By Umut Dursun, Community Liaison 

Umut addressing University of Miami students. 

My resolve to transition from female to male was unbreakable; but the actual transition was not an easy one...

For as long as I can remember, I have known myself to be male, but I lacked the concept to make sense of this for myself. When I did finally figure out who I was, I experienced a tremendous sense of relief. I could finally be comfortable in my own skin. But no one lives on an island. Soon enough, I had to confront the reality that I’d have to tell every single person in my life about my gender which entails using a different pronoun and a whole new social script. My mind was swamped with questions: “Will I lose my family? Who could possibly love me? Is it worth it?” I was terrified of losing the people I felt closest to in this world. But once I finally knew who I was, a 25 year long struggle, I couldn’t hide from myself – or others – for even one more day.

Having no clue how my Dad would react, I braced myself for the worst. After obsessing in my mind over and over how the conversation might go, I was convinced that my father would disown me. He is Turkish and Muslim. I equated his identity as an automatic death sentence for our relationship. “Baba…I need to tell you something…I’m a guy.” Silence. Then, “What do you mean, ‘you’re a guy’?” I said, “Well, I’m not a girl. I’ve never felt like one. It took me a long time to figure out why I was unhappy, and it’s because I’m not a girl. I’m a guy.” More silence. “Are you sure?... What does this mean?...This is just a phase.” Although my dad didn’t understand how I was feeling, or why I needed to transition, he made the single most important fact clear – he loves me unconditionally.

I began my gender transition in August of 2010. My family has remained by my side throughout this journey, but my dad and I haven’t really talked about...it. He has never heard me tell of looking in the mirror, and seeing nothing but emptiness in the reflection. Someone I didn’t know was always looking back at me. I didn’t share with him the torment of feeling incomplete and searching for a sense of belonging. My wanting to be seen as a man, as his son, was the huge elephant in the room we could never manage to discuss. People knew he had two daughters, so there was always this awkward pause when he introduced me as “his child.”

My dad recently visited Miami and I invited him to accompany me to a YES Institute dialogue at the University of Miami. He didn’t have a clue what he agreed to, but being the supportive father he is, he joined me anyway. This was the first time my dad had ever heard firsthand the real truth of my experience.

When I spoke during the dialogue, he listened intently, and I could tell he was processing information that was very foreign to him. Afterwards, I fielded questions from the audience as my dad quietly listened from the back of the room. Before we wrapped up for the day, my dad was invited to share what the experience was like for him. He responded only noting a curiosity about different cultural practices of gender. However, above all, he made it clear that although he doesn't understand, he is thirsty for knowledge.

Though I was originally scared of my dad’s reaction, our relationship has remained intact. There are slip-ups when he says ‘she,’ but I know it isn’t meant with malice. His willingness to listen as he tries to learn has allowed me to hear him differently. When he says “my child,” he says so with love.

Umut and his father at University of Miami. 

Reaching Every Community in Miami-Dade

by Joseph Zolobczuk, MS Ed.

Introduction to Communication Solutions™ with Honey Shine program.

YES Institute is committed to reaching all people in our community, regardless of income or socio-economic background. Analyzing Miami-Dade participant data collected between 2009 and 2013, we've discovered in a new report of our cumulative program data that:

20% of all participants reached in the work of YES Institute in the past four years are within federal poverty areas.

Nearly 2,000 faculty and students YES Institute has served are from Title I Schools. 

The report also features selected stories of Title I students - Jowharah, Mark, Brian and Deanna - who found amelioration, empowerment, and new ways to make a difference in their schools and communities through YES Institute.

The new report is available on the results page of our website. Check it out!

Making the Perfect Connection

By Deanna Saunders and Brittney McCabe 

YIYPS members network with fellow young professionals.

Jowharah Sanders made just the right connection at the latest YIYPS (YES Institute Young Professionals Society) networking event. That evening she met Luna Otero, the Community Compact Director for Big Brothers Big Sisters. Otero helped Sanders secure a presentation spot with seventeen MDCPS principals, administrators, teachers and counselors. This was the first introduction of her anti-bullying program - National Voices for Equality, Education and Enlightenment (NVEEE) - into Miami-Dade County Public Schools (MDCPS.)

"Before the YIYPS event, I had worked extensively in Broward but had not been able to reach Miami-Dade students” - Jowharah Sanders, Executive Director of NVEEE

These key players in MDCPS were so moved by Sanders’ presentation that they invited her to present to Superintendent Alberto Carvalho. Sanders hopes the presentation will inspire administrators to incorporate her year-long program into other MDCPS schools.

Of the YIYPS program, Jowharah says, “It’s a perfect fit for me. When I learned about YIYPS I was so excited to be able to network with other young people. I jumped at the chance to contribute to YES Institute, which has helped me, my community and the kids I work with so much.”

If you want to know more about how you can contribute to professionalism with a purpose, contact Brittney McCabe at 305-663-7195 or via email at brittney@yesinstitute.org.

Winter Celebration Honors Kiaora Members, Welcomes New Friends

by Brittney McCabe

Joseph Kraus, a Kiaora Visionary and long time friend of YES Institute, opened up his beautiful home in Ft. Lauderdale to host our annual winter celebration for the Kiaora Society of Donors. Members and their guests gathered to learn more about the current work of YES Institute and celebrate the results made possible by the generous and steadfast contributions of our Kiaora members.

Amidst the festivities, Visionary and volunteer speaker Patricia shared her family’s inspiring journey to embrace their child’s gender. The entire room was moved by her unconditional love for her child, and many were inspired to donate to YES Institute to ensure families like Patricia’s will always have YES Institute as a resource.

We welcome our new Kiaora members and friends to the YES Institute family!

Patricia shares her story at Kiaora event.

Veteran’s Administration Makes History

by Brittney McCabe, Program Manager

YES Institute video conference with multiple VA sites. 

Multiple video screens connected Veteran’s Administration (VA) hospitals and clinics across Georgia, Florida, and Puerto Rico in the largest-scale dialogue on gender and orientation in the VA's history. The dialogue’s success inspired VA leaders to contact YES Institute about leading an unprecedented national training. 

“When I was in the military, nobody talked about orientation. As a man noticing my attraction to men, I struggled in silence.” - Jim, YES Institute speaker, US Veteran

At the dialogue, a Veteran and YES Institute speaker named Bree shared, “Growing up, I knew I was a girl, but I tried to bury those feelings and play along with everyone's expectation that I be masculine. Shame and hiding made me feel disconnected from my own life. In the Navy, I finally began expressing who I was in a secret journal.”

“My crew-mates were my family and only support. When they found my journal and discovered my secret, they didn't know how to react. They taunted me for weeks. In the end, I tried to kill myself.”- Bree, YES Institute speaker, US Navy Veteran

A VA staff member said, “My discomfort disappeared when I learned about the challenges transgender Veterans face.”

Bree shared with VA staff that she called the VA to access her healthcare and a phone representative repeatedly called her “Sir.” Bree said, “I was hurt and humiliated and I hung up.” It took her two years to regain the courage to claim her VA benefits. Bree said, “Pronouns and names are important. Being acknowledged with a preferred pronoun is healing."

By the time Bree contacted the VA a second time, the staff had participated in a number of YES Institute trainings. They walked Bree through the system with a commitment to ensuring her records were accurate and she had access to quality healthcare. 

“Enlightening! This empowers me to be proactive and learn more. I will share YES Institute's education with others.”— Staff member, Tampa VA

Connie Barden RN, MSN, CCRN, CCNS and Co-Founder of YES Institute.