A Young Professional With a Purpose

By Lauren S., YES Institute Intern 

I came to YES Institute earlier this year after having been in residential treatment for an eating disorder. I left my life, my career, my family, and my friends in NYC and came down here to seek treatment. I had the opportunity to take a step back, to breathe, and to connect with myself in a deeper and more spiritual way. Then I found YES Institute, a place that fills me with love every time I step through their doors. A place that is making a difference in the lives of our community day in and day out. A place that is preventing suicide on a constant basis. YES Institute has changed my life. I am proud and honored to call myself a ‘Yuppie,’ a member of the YES Institute Young Professionals Society, a supporter of professionalism with a purpose and an investor in the future of YES Institute.

Through my involvement in YES Institute, I have been able to establish a new sense of peace and comfort. I am a gay woman, and for many years this felt ‘wrong,’ and I could not escape the constant shame and guilt cycle associated with this aspect of myself. I hid my true identity for many years and covered it up with destructive behaviors. YES Institute has been instrumental in showing me that I can accept and be true to myself just the way I am. I have found a home here.

Being surrounded by people that are comfortable, confident, passionate, and connected with who they are has ignited something special inside of me. In addition, sharing my story and connecting with others that have gone through similar struggles gives my life new meaning and I am able to step outside of myself and make a difference in ways that only 6 months ago seemed impossible. I am filling myself with a newfound sense of love and compassion.

Becoming a ‘Yuppie,’ ignites a sense of excitement, hope, and passion in me. Making a financial commitment to this organization means more to me than I can describe. It goes far beyond the money. It is another outlet for me and my voice. I have the ability to contribute to a cause and vision that I am passionate about and allow for my voice and enthusiasm to be heard. It means that through my commitment, someone’s life can be changed and I can continue spreading the message of YES Institute and contribute in transforming the future. It is so important for me to give back especially to those places that give so much to me. And YES Institute has done just that. I am excited and grateful to continue on the journey of life and carry my commitment as a 'Yuppie' with me as I do.

Listening Creates a Win/Win On and Off the Court

By Shawnice "Pepper" Wilson, Intern

Shawnice sharing her story at Communication Solutions™

Growing up I was never taught how to communicate effectively with others, especially if their views or opinions conflicted with my own. Whenever a conflict arose in communication, I learned to respond with anger. If that didn’t work, I would keep my mouth shut. I attended the University of Pittsburgh for my first two years of college and was a member of the women’s basketball team. I was named a captain my sophomore year. At 19 years of age, I was expected to lead and unite my teammates, some of whom were several years older than I was. My coaches recognized my potential to lead the team powerfully before I could see it myself. Unfortunately, during that time I was unsure how to lead the team and meet the demands of my coaches. My coaches wanted me to step up and deal with issues that were holding back the team from winning. I was frustrated because I lacked confidence in my ability to improve our team chemistry.

As a captain for a major program, I found it very challenging to lead my fellow teammates. I felt pressure from my coaches to be this perfect leader, and I didn’t think I could do it. I was involved in several conflicts with my teammates and felt like I didn’t receive respect as a captain.  Our frustrations as a team were reflected in our performance on the court. I was not equipped with the communication skills I needed to unite my team, and it was difficult to build the sisterhood needed to be successful.

Three years later I find myself in a similar situation. As a senior member of the University of Miami Women’s basketball team, I was named 1 of 3 captains for the 2012-2013 basketball season. The only difference between now and then is my ability to effectively communicate with my teammates, and I credit my new communication skills to YES Institute. Fall of 2012, I was given the opportunity to participate in their signature course, Communication Solutions™. I realized the importance of communication, and I finally learned tools to communicate effectively.

Recently, I was in a situation with my team where I was able to apply the communication model taught in the course. There was a disagreement between some of the teammates. The following day we met as a team to diffuse the situation. For the first time as a captain, I decided to listen to what my teammates were dealing with instead of coming from a place of who was right and who was wrong. This gave my teammates the space to apologize and forgive each other. As a team, we grew closer from this experience.

I learned so much from the course. Most importantly, I learned how to be with myself and accept the individual staring back at me in the mirror. Accepting who I am allowed me to be with others, thus improving how I communicate with them. I am extremely grateful for my experience at YES Institute and the lessons I took from the course. I can now proudly say I am a better leader and person simply because I learned the importance of communication.

Haiti, Latin America, India... Or Just People?

by Nikhill Bhardwaj, YES Institute Intern 

Before participating in YES Institute education, I thought I had a good grasp of gender and orientation.  From my first Communication Solutions™ to each succeeding course I’ve taken, I’ve been floored with what I’ve learned and the sense of community fostered by YES Institute.  

Most recently, I participated in Gender Continuum.  The question of “What is gender?” quickly travelled down the rabbit hole to “How do notions of biology and bodies frame how we gender ourselves and others?”, “How do ideas around masculinity and femininity influence my behavior?” and a slew of equally complex thoughts.  Brian, a YES Institute volunteer speaker, shared about his gender transition and contextualized these ideas.  Hearing how it seemed impossible to express his authentic self helped me understand how pervasive gender is and how it has a real impact on my own life. 

The fact that this was the first YES Institute course simultaneously translated into both Kreyól and Spanish was especially impactful for me.  The intersections of generational and cultural ideas of gender were given a new depth by the personal experiences shared. For some, these topics are rarely discussed and seen as inappropriate.  To hear about gender first-hand at this course spoke to the diversity of perceptions around this topic.

Being a second generation Indian-American, the discussion of gender roles cross-culturally gave me insight into how they play out in my own family.  I used to feel that my family was confined to very rigid roles and expectations because of gender.  Did I only know my mother as the family-raising matriarch or did I know her as a person?  From this course, I better appreciate that gender is not just a “role” but frames how we relate to one another.  I can understand how my parents’ fear of me acting “too flamboyant” or “feminine” affect how they relate to me.  Now I can relate to my family, not despite their view of gender roles, but with new insights into where these views come from.

Finding My Voice

by Mark Lockwood 

Yesterday I did something I swore I would never do - go back to the school where I was beaten up for being gay. YES Institute was invited to Miami Carol City High School for Bullying Prevention Week. As a speaker for YES Institute, I decided to go.

Bullying was the norm when I attended Carol City. Most of the bullying I saw and heard had something to do with gender and orientation. Wearing skinny jeans made you the target of slurs like “faggot” and “homo”; and if you were openly gay, you were beat up. It was as simple as that. Teachers who were aware of this school-wide issue did everything they could to help the situation, but nobody really knew how to make it stop.

A group of students picked a day to beat up all of the openly gay students on campus. Text messages were sent out that this group of kids was going to jump all of “them.” I was afraid to tell my mom about this, so I pretended to be sick so that I could stay home from school. In the end, it didn’t make a difference because, a week later, I was attacked.

I remember the attack vividly...

I am walking to the closest corner store to get snacks before catching the bus home from school. I see two guys in our school’s uniform, and they nod at me as I walk into the store. As soon as I come outside, one of the guys approaches me and asks for money. I tell him no and he immediately punches me in the face and calls me a “faggot.” Quickly, one attacker turns into four. I am knocked in the head with a stick and fall unconscious. The next thing I know, I wake up in the hospital with a bloody nose, a lacerated lip and a black eye.

Returning to Carol City was bittersweet. Walking back on the school’s campus made my stomach cringe. All those memories of being bullied, and feeling like I didn’t have a voice, began to creep back into my consciousness. I held on to my purpose - to create a safe space for all youth by using my voice and sharing my story. When I shared about being bullied at Carol City, students showed a lot of different emotions. Some were angry, others said how bullying is still an issue, and many remained uncomfortable even talking about gender and orientation.

I know my story touched a lot of hearts and minds, and maybe even reached a kid who is too afraid to be themselves because they could become the next target. I know because I was that kid. Today, I have found my voice, and I am proud to use it to make a difference, even when I’m afraid.

Mark shares his story at Miami Carol City High School 

My New Refrigerator Magnet

Written by Jenny G. 

I am really glad I participated in Communication Solutions™. The model that YES Institute is teaching youth and families is a wonderful solution to keep relationships working even when there’s confrontation and argument. The classes implement techniques to encourage peaceful interactions with others.

As a young adult, and even now, I struggled with accepting others beliefs or opinions, especially if they didn’t coincide with mine. This course helped me recognize that it is okay to simply meet people where they already are, even if I don’t agree.

The YES Institute model of communication has the ability to support anyone who is facing communication challenges in their family, workplace, or relationships. This course gave me a new choice other than the endless back and forth that characterizes so many of the arguments I’ve had in the past. Rather than wanting to scream, cry, or use violence to force the other person to understand, the model provides clear steps to create a different result that works for everyone.

I keep one of the handouts from the course on my refrigerator. I like to see it everyday. It reminds me to be calm and more patient with others. I can be very stubborn, and that hasn’t gone away, but it reminds me that I have some new tools when I feel like something isn’t working. Looking at the handout also reminds me that I went to YES Institute, and that I loved my experience with my new YES family.

Everyone in the class had a different story or underlying reason, whether personal or professional, for taking the course, but we all walked away with something new and valuable. By the end of the 2 days, what was once a room full of strangers turned into a group of close friends, and it was a truly memorable and educational experience.

YES Institute’s Communication Solutions™ is taking place over the MLK holiday weekend - Saturday, January 19 & Sunday, January 20. This course is also available to MDCPS faculty for Master Plan Points. Registration is open for this course and the entire weekend, Communicating Powerfully & ReVisioning Gender. The weekend also includes Parts 1 & 2 of the Gender & Orientation Series™ – Gender Continuum on Friday, January 18, and Deciphering the Matrix of Orientation on January 21. Call today 305-663-7195 to register, or email brittney@yesinstitute.org for more info.

Jumping Through Hoops for Gender

Rachel Sottile, Executive Director of YES Institute facilitates dialogue. 

Reading an article in The Miami Herald about Shawnice “Pepper” Wilson, a powerful center for the University of Miami’s women’s basketball team, Executive Director Rachel Sottile was inspired to write her a letter.  Moved by her story of growing up in a series of foster homes, Rachel invited Pepper to visit YES Institute and explore the possibility of becoming a volunteer speaker.

During her visit to YES Institute, Pepper learned that the first step to making a difference is communication. She registered for the next Communication Solutions™ and brought her teammate Maria “Moe” Brown. Moe later reflected, “I did not know how powerful and effective this course would be. Not only did I learn new communication skills, I learned life skills that will make my relationships with others even more peaceful and fulfilling.”

Moe contacted Rachel after the course with an idea to bring the whole team to YES Institute as a community project. Her idea led to an opportunity for the UM Women’s Basketball team to visit and participate in a community dialogue with foster care youth, parents, and mental health professionals. Both Moe and Pepper shared about how bullying, gender and orientation have touched their lives in some way.

“I learned that society’s expectations of what a man and woman should be pressures all of us to hide who we really are and how we feel about ourselves. I just want to feel free to express my true self in this world and have it be okay.” - Foster Care Youth

A participant asked the team, “When you were playing basketball in high school, did you talk about gender and orientation among your team?” Nearly every member on the team emphatically nodded their heads. One player said that her coach had very strong beliefs that homosexuality was wrong. Because her coach had a huge impact on her life and served as a kind of mentor, she adopted those beliefs for herself.

University of Miami Women's Basketball Team with Rachel Sottile.

“In high school if any of us had been out as gay, we all knew it would hurt how much time we would have on the court. We all wanted to play no matter what, so no one would take that chance. It just wasn’t something we could talk about.”
- UM Women’s Basketball player

After the dialogue, Pepper shared, “Speaking in front of my teammates was very challenging because as close as I am to all of them, they do not know about my past. After I was done speaking, I know they have a better understanding of who I am in the world, and why YES Institute is so important to me.”

A staff member from the Institute for Children and Family Health said, “The community is changing one person at a time. It’s inspiring to meet Pepper and Moe and hear their stories because I know these two will make a lasting difference.”

MAST Academy Invites YES Institute to “No Place for Hate” Symposium

Lauren, a MAST Academy Junior, courageously stood before her entire student body and took a bold stand on bullying.

“While physical violence is rare at MAST, that’s not the only type of bullying that can cause harm. Name calling, intentionally shunning someone, gossip, and rumors also hurt students. Last year, a girl was called ‘slut’ repeatedly because she declined a date with a male student. The verbal bullying got so bad, she saw no alternative other than to quit our school. It was her lifelong dream to work hard to get into MAST.”

The purpose of the school-wide conference was to raise awareness on bullying and invite MAST students to get involved with No Place for Hate, a program established by the Anti-Defamation League to address many forms of discrimination and harassment.

MAST Academy students during dialogue. 

YES Institute was invited to speak on bullying rooted in gender and orientation, one of the leading slurs prevalent in US schools today. Joseph Zolobczuk, Director of Education with YES Institute asked the audience, “How many of you hear slurs like 'gay' or 'faggot' used to harass other students?” Nearly the entire room raised their hands while uncomfortable laughter rippled across the auditorium.

Sky Guilbaud, Community Liaison with YES Institute shared, “When students would find out I was Haitian, they would say, ‘Do you eat cats? Do you practice Voodoo?’ When I was questioning my gender expression during high school, students would come up to me and say ‘So what are you, a he-she?’ What they didn’t see is how all those slurs tore at my heart, and made me feel like I just couldn’t be myself. I felt my voice was taken away from me. One day, I swallowed a bottle of pills because I thought I just wanted to end it all. After my suicide attempt, I started volunteering at YES Institute and found my voice again. This is why I’m speaking out today, so no student has to feel uncomfortable in their own skin.”

After Sky spoke, students erupted in lengthy applause while many faculty and students were visibly moved to tears by his story. A flurry of hands, questions, and dialogue ensued.

Several students signed up to develop their own powerful voices by participating in YES Institute’s Communication Solutions™ taking place over the MLK holiday weekend - Saturday, January 19 & Sunday, January 20. This course is also available to MDCPS faculty for Master Plan Points.

Registration is open for this course and the entire weekend, Communicating Powerfully & ReVisioning Gender. The weekend also includes Parts 1 & 2 of the Gender & Orientation Series™ – Gender Continuum on Friday, January 18, and Deciphering the Matrix of Orientation on January 21. Call today 305-663-7195 to register, or email brittney@yesinstitute.org for more info.

MAST Academy students ask questions to YES Institute staff.