YES Institute in México for 1st Latin American Summit on Gender & Communication

by Roxy Sora, YES Institute Board Member
Being a part of the YES Institute team traveling to México has been an inspiration and a blessing. Bishop James Ottley (biography), Interim Bishop of the Diocese of Cuernavaca and a longtime friend and supporter of YES Institue, inspired many with the launch of the 1st Latin America Summit on Gender & Communication. People from all corners of the 11th most populous country were invited to attend, conducted by our YES Institute team in the town of Cuernavaca, roughly 85 kilometers south of México City. Bishop Ottley’s commitment to bring the work of YES Institute to the worldwide Anglican Communion is coming to fruition. His vision to shift communication from fear to conversations of powerful relatedness resounded among the 50 participants during the four days of the Summit.

Dr. Luis Ottley and Martha Fugate, left, addressing the people of Cuernavaca.

This was my first time leading the Gender Continuum course, Part 1 of the YES Institute Gender/Orientation Series™. Once I created the possibility of everyone getting "the main point" of the whole course, my self-doubts I had about leading the course were put aside. It flowed in Spanish, and Martha transitioned in and out seamlessly. They totally "got it" and it was rewarding to me as a new course leader to see I can effectively deliver this course.

The Communication Solutions™ course was powerful... Ivan, who is a priest in the Diocese of Cuernavaca, occurred to me as having a confrontational communication style, and always having "the answer" to everything. Today, in our small group exercise he said, "I've been a priest for 13 years and I noticed that people would come to me for advice, I would tell them what to do, and they wouldn't do it.  I've learned that I need to listen, see what's at the root of what they are saying, and empower them towards finding their own solutions." 

Partipants in the Communication Solutions™ course.

An email from Lilla, one of the participants, arrived in our inbox when we returned:

"Thanks once more to YES Institute. Not only did this broaden my knowledge about gender, sexual orientation and biology, it also made me realize the connection between intolerance against homosexuals and the ever-growing aggressiveness, violence, suicide and outright murder at schools. If I ever wished to make these facts "disappear", I now would like to do something about it. And this is where my real gain from the communication course comes in: the method that makes it possible to calmly address ignorance on this important topic. This method will help me convey ideas in other conflicting realms of life, too. I am looking forward to the first opportunity to put my new "tools" into action. I love you all - stay in touch... Your friend, Lilla."  

Bryan, a junior in high school, came with his mother to Wednesday night's course a very shy looking child. He had this awesome transformation, and he noticed his own transformation as expressed in today's completion circle, with a big smile.  He was now coming out of his shell and spoke in front of the room with his head held high. He declared he wants to volunteer to be a youth speaker in his community and to write his experience for our ReVision news.

Eva Leivas-Andino (far left) and Roxy Sora (far right) from YES Institute. 

Gregorio, a reverend with Congregación San Pablo, remarked about his experience of the course:

"I was amazed at how much I learned about gender and about YES Institute’s effective communication model in such a short time. The analysis of the model of communication and discovering new ways to truly listen and speak from the heart with generosity will serve me in my community and in my clinical work as a drug rehab counselor. The ability to speak more powerfully to people increased my self-confidence and improved my manner of addressing groups. I believe I have overcome a number of stumbling blocks that were impeding effective communication." 

Bishop Ottley has plans for us to return and he would love for more people to join us next time. He is an inspiration. I admire his commitment to his vocation and community. The people's respect for him was evident. I look forward to our continued partnership with our new amigos en México! 

Pink Flamingo Hospitality Program: A Personal Reflection

Sky Guilbaud.

The Miami-Dade Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (MDGLCC) invited YES Institute to conduct a training for members of Miami’s hotel and tourism industry as part of their new “Pink Flamingo Hospitality Program.”

When I was invited to be one of the YES Institute Speakers at the Pink Flamingo workshops, a rush of excitement came over me, and at the same time, I began to reflect on my own experience around gender in the workplace. Why would I be so jazzed about training employers and human relations professionals in the hospitality industry on the impact of gender and orientation? I know the difference communication and education can make, and I know first hand what it’s like to undergo a gender transition and not have the support of my employer.

I was born and assigned female, and my gender expression is male. I used to work at a fast food restaurant, and it was difficult to share my transition with my bosses and coworkers. For a year, I never corrected anyone when they called me “she.” I already had an overwhelming amount of rejection at home, and I didn’t think I could bare it at work, too. I was scared that my coworkers - people who really didn’t know me - could possibly hurt me physically.

I recalled the time I was taking orders in the drive-thru and a customer said, “Thank you sir!” The excitement was instantaneous and a smile spread across my face. For the first time, someone used my preferred pronoun and it felt amazing. It was a huge shift compared to the unsettling feeling when people would call me “ma’am.” My smile vanished when a co-worker overheard the exchange over the P.A. system and starting laughing. She screamed, “He thinks you’re a man!” My heart grew sad and confused, and I felt like crawling into a dark corner to disappear.
 

Sky addressing Miami hospitality industry managers and executives.

I really felt stuck when it came to using the bathroom. I thought everyone in the restaurant felt conflicted or confused about my transition, so I thought it would be uncomfortable (for them and for me) if they saw me walking in or out of the men’s bathroom. Most of the time, I would just “hold it” until I got home, to avoid the awkward tension or confrontation. When it came to my job, I always showed up, but I was never really there.

At YES Institute, my experience is a complete contrast to my previous work experience, and shows me what’s possible when communication and education are present. My coworkers acknowledge me the way I see myself, using my preferred pronoun and chosen name. I feel like I have so much more space to be who I am, and I’m actually excited to come to work!

Rachel Sottile, YES Institute Executive Director and Joseph Zolobczuk, Director of Education.

When I shared this story with the participants at MDGLCC’s Pink Flamingo Hospitality training, their questions revealed their commitment to creating safe and supportive workplaces for customers and co-workers. Eager for solutions, the audience listened intently as Rachel Sottile, the Executive Director of YES Institute, shared how a simple inquiry about preferred pronouns, or an employee’s preferred name, could impact the entire experience for their clients and employees.

I see the world shifting around gender, and the continued need for communication and education. As YES Institute gets set to provide training on gender and orientation to the hospitality industry, I see the opportunity for the corporate leaders I met at the Pink Flamingo Hospitality Program to take action and make a difference in their industry, not only for their customers, but also their employees. 

Pink Flamingo™ logo.

YES Institute Executive Director Interviewed on School Bullying

A middle school student from Lauderhill, Florida was hospitalized after he threatened to commit suicide on Tuesday. According to the sixth grader’s family, bullying pushed him to the breaking point.

Latorya Hampton says her son wrote “Kill me kill me I want to kill myself” last Friday afternoon. He is now undergoing a mental evaluation after news broke out of the student’s alarming words. 

CBS 4 Miami News covered the story of the student and asked Rachel Sottile, the Executive Director at YES Institute to comment:

Rachel Sottile, YES Institute

“We’re seeing young kids - sixth, seventh, eighth, grades - the incidence of suicides is increasing, but what I am surprised that he actually said something and there was intervention, immediate intervention, soon enough because many times there isn’t. These kids just go home one day and take their own  lives,” said Sottile.

According to Sottile, communication and education is the key to end bullying. 

“It’s not just the teacher’s responsibility, it’s not just the parent’s responsibility and ultimately, the kids are part of the solution too,” she said. 

You can view the video broadcast here, and the transcript here.

I Am Not My Label

By Annie Liu

Gender and orientation can be tricky subjects — especially in the already confusing world I know to be high school. All the hype seems to surround the use of labels: individuals are Black or Asian or Hispanic; folks are either “in a relationship” or “keeping it casual”; we are heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, pansexual — even asexual! Teenagers, like the rest of society, resort to labeling every facet of their lives. It is no wonder that so many people are stuck on the puzzling endeavor of creating — let’s face it — a single term that can define the true essence of who we are.

As the co-president of the Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) at Miami Palmetto Senior High School, I have witnessed firsthand the widespread confusion that comes as a consequence of associating with a label. A nationally recognized network of student clubs, GSA’s own namesake is misleading. When students hear “gay” and “straight,” they automatically assume that the group is only for those who identify as gay or straight. In reality, the alliance welcomes all identities and works to raise awareness and erase the stereotypes around LGBTQ (another label). The club is also a safe space where everyone is viewed equally and can bring up new ideas without worrying about being discriminated against. Our name, however, serves only as an obstacle and often isolates and excludes students.

Just last week, my fellow YES Institute intern Caro was discussing why she tells people that she’s a “lesbian.” Although she would prefer to not identify with the label, it is a shortcut to expressing her orientation. For Caro, it is simply easier in daily social interactions to eliminate any misunderstandings that may arise. For her purposes, labels actually help diminish confusion. Nevertheless, calling herself a lesbian has its downside - with her label arrives the distorted idea that all lesbians are tough and “butch.” Because Caro has long hair and is not what people would perceive as overtly masculine, she deals with wayward glances and remarks from peers who simply do not believe her. Our culture’s deep-seated stereotypes get buried in the collapse of gender and orientation. Labels themselves are just words, but what people do with them can create painfully unnecessary experiences that dramatically impact a multitude of lives.

In terms of my own orientation, I have opted for no label. Often enough, I am asked the question “What is your sexual orientation?” Accustomed to these inquiries, I declare that I like people based on who they are, not what sex they were assigned at birth. Out of convenience, pansexuality is my chosen response on surveys and conditions in which there is no “other” option. The label is the closest I can get to describing my interests. Aligning with this term, however, is something I find disheartening. What can a single word really say about me? A label cannot encompass the various depths and layers of who I am and what I prefer. This label doesn’t say anything about my Chinese heritage, love of electronic music, and connection to nature. Nor does it share that I’m an avid reader and am fascinated with the human mind. I am not my label. Why let a little word distract from what I’m really about? In the end, only the investment of time will make way for an understanding of Annie Liu.

I’m eager to further explore the impact of labeling in our culture in Deciphering the Matrix of Orientation during YES Institute’s week long series of educational courses in January - Communicating Powerfully & ReVisioning Gender.

A New View of Gender

by Dustin Doing, YES Institute Intern

Dustin Doing

Before starting my practicum for my University of Miami Human & Social Development undergraduate program at YES Institute, I rode my bicycle across the unrelenting traffic of US-1 to join the YES Institute team for lunch, a time they use to socialize and hash out anything they have on their minds. I was surprised and impressed at how inviting everyone was. Since meeting me that day, they have made more of an effort to get to know me than colleagues at any of my previous jobs and internships.

Lunch with the staff of YES Institute on that fateful Thursday afternoon only gave me a brief glimpse of the unique and enthusiastic people I would be working with in the coming months. Then, I decided to take the Gender Continuum course, part one of a series of lectures and discussions about various contexts that inform the way that we understand ourselves, others and the world. 

"The Gender Continuum linked fragmented pieces of understanding, knowledge and perceptions into a coherent package. It provided me with valuable statistics and research to better advocate this expanded perspective of gender." –Rachel Becker, University of Miami Graduate Counseling Student 

After another bike ride from my apartment, I felt anxious to start and a bit scared to participate in an 8-hour workshop. Did I mention it was on a Saturday... at 9am? Despite my worries, we all settled in at YES Institute and introduced ourselves. The group shared a wide range of viewpoints in a setting that valued honesty and respect to the rare extent that complete strangers got excited about opening up to one another.

Dusty posing a question to the Gender Continuum participants.

While I have participated in seminars about gender and orientation in the past, I did not anticipate the impact that my first YES Institute course would have on me. I was moved by the guest speaker and engaged in critical thinking throughout the day. Not only was I questioning my own views on gender, but I felt I had a lot to contribute to the overall discussion. This creative environment served as a space to hear and think about a diversity of human perceptions and stories.

"Not only did I reflect and find insights about my own experience of gender, but I heard stories from the group and speakers that have inspired me to look at the world differently and become a stronger advocate for change."  –Dusty Doing

I will continue to ride my bike across US-1 and intern at YES Institute through the School of Education at the University of Miami. As someone who believes that all people take on roles as teachers and learners in everyday life, I share YES Institute’s passion for transparency in science and communication as vital tools for the future of education.

Act Highlights YES Institute with 'Generation MTV'

Act, an MTV blog fusing pop culture with the socially conscious, published three different articles exploring the work of YES Institute. Last week, in light of New Jersey Public Schools recent anti-bullying legislation, Act journalist Caroline Walker included a quote from YES Institute Executive Director Rachel Sottile, stating:

"Unfortunately, once we have a law, people think the job is done. Laws are the last ditch stop-gap; when all else fails, we turn to them. Real change happens when people who are knowingly or unwittingly participating in unsafe conditions change their hearts, minds and ultimately their actions."

Rachel Sottile, MS.

Two days later, Act posted a feature article about the importance of the work of YES Institute, including a quote from co-founder Martha Fugate on bullying prevention:

"Give people the tools to handle the situation and deal with it, not feel helpless and powerless about how they feel now...mirroring the fear that they pick up in the culture."

This week, Act also published an interview with YES Institute volunteer speaker Evan, a transgender male youth who started his transition in his Junior year of high school. When asked how his grandmother was able to turn from “adversary” to “ally”, Evan said:                             

Evan

“During a gender course at YES, one of the participants told my [grandmother] how she saw me not only as male, but naturally having that "male presence." My grandma, who is like a mother to me, began to cry. She said she felt the exact same way, but she couldn't bear the thought of having to lose [her] little girl... I was able to hold her and cry with her as she told me all the things she had been feeling about it.”

Later he stated: “I strongly believe that community education is the best way to help reduce and eventually eliminate teen suicide surrounding these topics, and to help stop the hate and ignorance surrounding it.”

Check out all the MTV Act articles about YES Institute by clicking on the first post, the second feature article about the work of YES Institute, or the third article about YES Institute volunteer speaker Evan.

Summer of Service: YES Institute’s Internship Program

by Adrian Fernandez-Morrell

YES Institute has an uncanny ability to draw people to the organization. There are many people who become part of the YES community and freely volunteer their time because they believe in the mission, and none are more passionate than the YES Institute interns.

Summer interns Mariana, Adrian, and Christopher hard at work!

I am proud to be on the YES Institute team of summer interns. We enter through the white double-doors two or three times a week, ready to take on whatever task is at hand. We are challenged, motivated, and empowered to be responsible for various jobs.  We are Christopher Morello, Mariana Ochoa, and myself, Adrian Fernandez-Morrell.

I sat down with our team to ask them about their reasons for choosing YES for their internships. Christopher, from Miami Palmetto Senior High, replied, “I admire how YES educates the community rather than being extreme and judgmental. I am really inspired by the mission and this approach to making a difference.” Christopher’s answer proved to be the consensus among all the interns.

Mariana shared, “My favorite moments are watching a course participant really letting the course sink in. It is amazing how much of an impact these courses have on people, and how every person gets different things out of the education. Witnessing these breakthroughs is always powerful for me.”

Chris enjoys “every staff meeting and lunch, because I feel so welcomed and a part of the team when we all get together. I also like how everyone shares and really listens.” In agreement with Christopher, I interject about the time the gentleman traveled from México to Miami to learn more about the work of YES. And the day we all arrived for Intern Orientation. And then there was the presentation at the Non-Violence Project USA that was really great, and the... well, you get the idea.

It is a privilege to have the opportunity to be a part of YES Institute. We appreciate all we have learned, particularly what we discovered in Communication Solutions™. Mariana shares, “ I got so many insights. I can’t help but share with my family and friends. I now want all of the people in my life to come to YES and take these courses.”