Students Inspire Me

By Caro Hernandez, Project Facilitator, YES Institute

Students from Mater Academy Lakes Middle School understand the impact of gender and orientation bullying on a visceral level. During our community dialogue, I was astonished to hear the questions and responses these students were giving us.  When asked about the gender expectations for boys they yelled “Boys don’t cry!” and for girls they yelled “Look pretty!” Their insights about gender expectations were unfiltered and honest.

Immediately they understood that orientation slurs are about gender. They also understood that when we use slurs like “That’s so gay,” they can make others depressed, and even commit suicide. When asked how often they hear anti-gay slurs, most of the students raised their hands and said, “Everyday.”

It reminded me of when I was in middle school. I couldn’t conceive of going one day without hearing an anti-gay slur in school.  What if all the students at my middle school had this education presented to us? I can only imagine we would have grown up less fearful and with a new way to talk about gender and orientation that doesn’t put others down.

One student wrote, "I used to be homophobic so I never liked gay or transgender people, but after the dialogue I have changed the way I think of gay and transgender people."    - 13 year old male student

Linking Forces and Strengthening Communities

We thank ICFH for inviting YES Institute to present today at Linking Forces 2012, Miami’s foremost children’s mental health conference. Rachel Sottile and staff led a groundbreaking discussion about gender and orientation topics for parents, therapists and school liaisons.

Gender on a Continuum

by Caro Hernandez, Project Facilitator, YES Institute

Teachers, doctors, parents, therapists, youth and many others came together this past Saturday for Gender Continuum, the first part of our three-part Gender & Orientation Series™. For many participants this was a new conversation about gender that would prove life changing.

Brian, a high school speaker, and Joseph Zolobczuk, Director of Education.

My mom was in the course this weekend and had new insights about gender that effect her everyday; from negotiations at work to family dinners, gender plays a role in her relationships and interactions. For example, she often complains that I don’t wear bright enough colors, and she now sees that this was her gender expectation for me (thanks YES Institute!!). She can distinguish between my sense of style and her expectations of how a woman should dress. Now, if she asks me to go shopping, I can expect authentic communication rather than arguments and misunderstandings. Because gender is pervasive throughout all of our lives, my mom’s new understanding of gender has already helped our relationship.

It was inspiring for me to see so many teachers and students in the room. Jhan, a Miami-Dade County Public School student, shared that she was grateful to see so many teachers in the room who cared to learn more about gender, a topic that affected her in school. Arlene, a teacher with Miami-Dade County said, “the course made me aware that there is a great need for education on gender so young people can be safe and succeed.” Another teacher, Kay, said “I see myself as a part of the gender continuum and not just as ‘female.’ I realize that as individuals we are too complex to fit into two labels, male or female.”

Brittney McCabe, Program Manager leading the Gender Continuum. 

The Gift of Leadership

by Joseph Zolobczuk

About once a year, YES Institute offers Leadership in Action to the community. This is a course that delves into the background principles of YES Institute as a community organization – the how of our work. We share a handful of core principles that have made a difference in our continued success so that others can learn and use them.

Rachel Sottile with course participants. 

This course is a gift we give to our community. When other human service and nonprofit organizations are better at what they we do, we all win. More bold leaders and stronger nonprofits means more people, families and communities are also strengthened and healed.

It's also a gift for us to be joined by some amazing leaders this afternoon. With us is Terri Cooper, Founder of 305 Yoga; Marisol Tamez, Director of Yoga Gangsters; Amy Garcia, Coordinator of Miami Mollies; Jowharah Sanders, Director of N.V.E.E.E.; and Erin Healy, Director of Youth L.E.A.D.  Each of these women are taking bold new actions with their organizations and are up to making a difference.

Here are a few of the key principles we've been discussing today:

When it's "about you," it's hard to be bold. When people say "yes" or "no", they are not saying no to you. But often, we make rejection and failure about us and take it to a personal level. With purpose as our focus, we are unstoppable.

Give your word, and keep it. What would our community look like if we all kept our word to everyone (or at least cleaned up the mess when we broke our word)? Can people count on you?

Communication is the problem. Communication is also the solution. MIT researchers on team effectiveness report, "How we communicate turns out to be the most important predictor of team success, and as important as all other factors combined, including intelligence, personality, skill, and content of discussions. The old adage that it's not what you say, but how you say it, turns out to be mathematically correct." What does communication look like in your community? Are there things not being spoken? Is there resentment or conflict? Who will go first and be the one to break the ice?

If you would like to request Leadership in Action for your organization or program, please contact YES Institute at 305-663-7195 or email@yesinstitute.org

“Bully” Movie: Thoughts and Reflections

by Caro Hernandez


YES Institute staff and volunteers attended a screening of the new movie “Bully” before its nationwide release on April 13. The new documentary film, directed by Lee Hirsch, looks at the effects of bullying on children and their families. With over 13 million children in America reporting instances of bullying each year, it is safe to say this is a problem facing all schools. 

The film was shot from 2009 to 2010 and chronicles the lives of students who have been physically and emotionally bullied. This is coupled with the perspective of parents who have lost their children due to suicide brought on by bullying. Supporters of the movie are hoping to ignite much needed attention about the very real dangers of student harassment. 

One of the problems the film highlighted is that both teachers and parents don’t know what the solution is. Jowharah Sanders, the founder of NVEEE and host of last night's screening, held a Q&A session after the Miami premier. She said, “There is no ‘quick fix’ answer that will work for all schools. It will take the whole community to change hostile environments in schools today.” 
There were many public high school students in the audience. I was lucky enough to be sitting next them. Getting to hear their whispers and insights was eye-opening for me. Jowharah asked the audience, “What is the number one slur students are taunted with when they’re being bullied?” Instantly, every student around me yelled out, “that’s gay”, and “faggot”. 

While the question was not about gender and orientation, the answers made it clear–these topics impact everyone, especially youth. Expectations and fears surrounding gender and orientation are among the main roots of bullying. This is why we see education on these topics is so necessary. As we continue our work, providing community dialogues and courses for teachers, parents, and students, we also hope this movie inspires more people to join and learn together and become a part of finding solutions.

How Communication Can Reach the Heart

Sarah Carawan

by Sarah Carawan, North Carolina 

I traveled from Asheville to attend the Communicating Powerfully & ReVisioning Gender weekend at YES Institute recently, and am still reeling from the outpouring of love and commitment of the people I met.

After my marriage and the birth of my daughter, I was floored when I fell in love with a woman. There have been many ups and downs in the 35 years since I identified with the label “gay.” I now realize after being at YES Institute, that I have only just begin my own education on gender and orientation and see the power in examining my experience beyond labels.

In the Gender & Orientation Series™, I began to see the feminine / masculine binary concept is impressed upon us all throughout our lives. After nearly 60 years, I realized for the first time that my parents didn’t enforce narrow gender expectations on me. At home growing up, I recall I was always more boyish and interested in all things masculine. Thankfully, they let me explore who I was, and after participating in these courses I see this was a real gift.

Watching all the parents with their children, who were in varying stages of coming to terms with their child’s gender or orientation, was very moving. Some days, the course would begin and end with tears.

On the one hand, I didn’t understand the sadness because their intelligent, courageous and amazing children were living and breathing right next to them. Their loss was not a physical one, but rather a loss of expectations set into motion by a concept of body, gender, and orientation that was binary.

Many of these parents began to see that when it comes to gender and orientation for young people this is a conversation about life and death. Before these courses, I used to think un-accepting parents were narrow minded and bad parents. Now, I see nothing but good parents who received bad information. By the end of each day, I saw families become less afraid to allow each other to just be.

Sarah Carawan interacting with Star and Jim at YES Institute. 

There is no place like YES Institute. YES Institute is a beacon in the world for people who are struggling with gender or orientation, sometimes at the cost of their aliveness, or even their very lives. The level of welcoming, depth of knowledge, and outpouring of love I experienced at YES Institute will forever be a part of me. You cannot walk out of YES Institute without feeling bigger on the inside.

YES Institute's signature Communication Solutions™ course is taking place Saturday & Sunday, March 24 & 25 from Noon-6pm each day. Parents, teachers, students and medical doctors are participating in the course, as well as Spanish-language participants (full simultaneous bilingual translation will be provided). Call today to register at 305-663-7195 or email@yesinstitute.org 

In The Lives of Youth

Last week, CBS4 Miami News & Views aired an exceptional 2-part investigative story on homeless gay youth and the process of parental acceptance. While the impact on parents is often great, the consequences of bullying and rejection for young people can also be equally devastating. 

"Creating a Safer World", a mini-documentary produced by In The Life Media, captures the realities of youth impacted by gender and orientation. It also highlights the work of YES Institute and the innovative ways we are working to bring community-wide educational resources on these topics.