Haiti, Latin America, India... Or Just People?

by Nikhill Bhardwaj, YES Institute Intern 

Before participating in YES Institute education, I thought I had a good grasp of gender and orientation.  From my first Communication Solutions™ to each succeeding course I’ve taken, I’ve been floored with what I’ve learned and the sense of community fostered by YES Institute.  

Most recently, I participated in Gender Continuum.  The question of “What is gender?” quickly travelled down the rabbit hole to “How do notions of biology and bodies frame how we gender ourselves and others?”, “How do ideas around masculinity and femininity influence my behavior?” and a slew of equally complex thoughts.  Brian, a YES Institute volunteer speaker, shared about his gender transition and contextualized these ideas.  Hearing how it seemed impossible to express his authentic self helped me understand how pervasive gender is and how it has a real impact on my own life. 

The fact that this was the first YES Institute course simultaneously translated into both Kreyól and Spanish was especially impactful for me.  The intersections of generational and cultural ideas of gender were given a new depth by the personal experiences shared. For some, these topics are rarely discussed and seen as inappropriate.  To hear about gender first-hand at this course spoke to the diversity of perceptions around this topic.

Being a second generation Indian-American, the discussion of gender roles cross-culturally gave me insight into how they play out in my own family.  I used to feel that my family was confined to very rigid roles and expectations because of gender.  Did I only know my mother as the family-raising matriarch or did I know her as a person?  From this course, I better appreciate that gender is not just a “role” but frames how we relate to one another.  I can understand how my parents’ fear of me acting “too flamboyant” or “feminine” affect how they relate to me.  Now I can relate to my family, not despite their view of gender roles, but with new insights into where these views come from.

Finding My Voice

by Mark Lockwood 

Yesterday I did something I swore I would never do - go back to the school where I was beaten up for being gay. YES Institute was invited to Miami Carol City High School for Bullying Prevention Week. As a speaker for YES Institute, I decided to go.

Bullying was the norm when I attended Carol City. Most of the bullying I saw and heard had something to do with gender and orientation. Wearing skinny jeans made you the target of slurs like “faggot” and “homo”; and if you were openly gay, you were beat up. It was as simple as that. Teachers who were aware of this school-wide issue did everything they could to help the situation, but nobody really knew how to make it stop.

A group of students picked a day to beat up all of the openly gay students on campus. Text messages were sent out that this group of kids was going to jump all of “them.” I was afraid to tell my mom about this, so I pretended to be sick so that I could stay home from school. In the end, it didn’t make a difference because, a week later, I was attacked.

I remember the attack vividly...

I am walking to the closest corner store to get snacks before catching the bus home from school. I see two guys in our school’s uniform, and they nod at me as I walk into the store. As soon as I come outside, one of the guys approaches me and asks for money. I tell him no and he immediately punches me in the face and calls me a “faggot.” Quickly, one attacker turns into four. I am knocked in the head with a stick and fall unconscious. The next thing I know, I wake up in the hospital with a bloody nose, a lacerated lip and a black eye.

Returning to Carol City was bittersweet. Walking back on the school’s campus made my stomach cringe. All those memories of being bullied, and feeling like I didn’t have a voice, began to creep back into my consciousness. I held on to my purpose - to create a safe space for all youth by using my voice and sharing my story. When I shared about being bullied at Carol City, students showed a lot of different emotions. Some were angry, others said how bullying is still an issue, and many remained uncomfortable even talking about gender and orientation.

I know my story touched a lot of hearts and minds, and maybe even reached a kid who is too afraid to be themselves because they could become the next target. I know because I was that kid. Today, I have found my voice, and I am proud to use it to make a difference, even when I’m afraid.

Mark shares his story at Miami Carol City High School 

My New Refrigerator Magnet

Written by Jenny G. 

I am really glad I participated in Communication Solutions™. The model that YES Institute is teaching youth and families is a wonderful solution to keep relationships working even when there’s confrontation and argument. The classes implement techniques to encourage peaceful interactions with others.

As a young adult, and even now, I struggled with accepting others beliefs or opinions, especially if they didn’t coincide with mine. This course helped me recognize that it is okay to simply meet people where they already are, even if I don’t agree.

The YES Institute model of communication has the ability to support anyone who is facing communication challenges in their family, workplace, or relationships. This course gave me a new choice other than the endless back and forth that characterizes so many of the arguments I’ve had in the past. Rather than wanting to scream, cry, or use violence to force the other person to understand, the model provides clear steps to create a different result that works for everyone.

I keep one of the handouts from the course on my refrigerator. I like to see it everyday. It reminds me to be calm and more patient with others. I can be very stubborn, and that hasn’t gone away, but it reminds me that I have some new tools when I feel like something isn’t working. Looking at the handout also reminds me that I went to YES Institute, and that I loved my experience with my new YES family.

Everyone in the class had a different story or underlying reason, whether personal or professional, for taking the course, but we all walked away with something new and valuable. By the end of the 2 days, what was once a room full of strangers turned into a group of close friends, and it was a truly memorable and educational experience.

YES Institute’s Communication Solutions™ is taking place over the MLK holiday weekend - Saturday, January 19 & Sunday, January 20. This course is also available to MDCPS faculty for Master Plan Points. Registration is open for this course and the entire weekend, Communicating Powerfully & ReVisioning Gender. The weekend also includes Parts 1 & 2 of the Gender & Orientation Series™ – Gender Continuum on Friday, January 18, and Deciphering the Matrix of Orientation on January 21. Call today 305-663-7195 to register, or email brittney@yesinstitute.org for more info.

Jumping Through Hoops for Gender

Rachel Sottile, Executive Director of YES Institute facilitates dialogue. 

Reading an article in The Miami Herald about Shawnice “Pepper” Wilson, a powerful center for the University of Miami’s women’s basketball team, Executive Director Rachel Sottile was inspired to write her a letter.  Moved by her story of growing up in a series of foster homes, Rachel invited Pepper to visit YES Institute and explore the possibility of becoming a volunteer speaker.

During her visit to YES Institute, Pepper learned that the first step to making a difference is communication. She registered for the next Communication Solutions™ and brought her teammate Maria “Moe” Brown. Moe later reflected, “I did not know how powerful and effective this course would be. Not only did I learn new communication skills, I learned life skills that will make my relationships with others even more peaceful and fulfilling.”

Moe contacted Rachel after the course with an idea to bring the whole team to YES Institute as a community project. Her idea led to an opportunity for the UM Women’s Basketball team to visit and participate in a community dialogue with foster care youth, parents, and mental health professionals. Both Moe and Pepper shared about how bullying, gender and orientation have touched their lives in some way.

“I learned that society’s expectations of what a man and woman should be pressures all of us to hide who we really are and how we feel about ourselves. I just want to feel free to express my true self in this world and have it be okay.” - Foster Care Youth

A participant asked the team, “When you were playing basketball in high school, did you talk about gender and orientation among your team?” Nearly every member on the team emphatically nodded their heads. One player said that her coach had very strong beliefs that homosexuality was wrong. Because her coach had a huge impact on her life and served as a kind of mentor, she adopted those beliefs for herself.

University of Miami Women's Basketball Team with Rachel Sottile.

“In high school if any of us had been out as gay, we all knew it would hurt how much time we would have on the court. We all wanted to play no matter what, so no one would take that chance. It just wasn’t something we could talk about.”
- UM Women’s Basketball player

After the dialogue, Pepper shared, “Speaking in front of my teammates was very challenging because as close as I am to all of them, they do not know about my past. After I was done speaking, I know they have a better understanding of who I am in the world, and why YES Institute is so important to me.”

A staff member from the Institute for Children and Family Health said, “The community is changing one person at a time. It’s inspiring to meet Pepper and Moe and hear their stories because I know these two will make a lasting difference.”

MAST Academy Invites YES Institute to “No Place for Hate” Symposium

Lauren, a MAST Academy Junior, courageously stood before her entire student body and took a bold stand on bullying.

“While physical violence is rare at MAST, that’s not the only type of bullying that can cause harm. Name calling, intentionally shunning someone, gossip, and rumors also hurt students. Last year, a girl was called ‘slut’ repeatedly because she declined a date with a male student. The verbal bullying got so bad, she saw no alternative other than to quit our school. It was her lifelong dream to work hard to get into MAST.”

The purpose of the school-wide conference was to raise awareness on bullying and invite MAST students to get involved with No Place for Hate, a program established by the Anti-Defamation League to address many forms of discrimination and harassment.

MAST Academy students during dialogue. 

YES Institute was invited to speak on bullying rooted in gender and orientation, one of the leading slurs prevalent in US schools today. Joseph Zolobczuk, Director of Education with YES Institute asked the audience, “How many of you hear slurs like 'gay' or 'faggot' used to harass other students?” Nearly the entire room raised their hands while uncomfortable laughter rippled across the auditorium.

Sky Guilbaud, Community Liaison with YES Institute shared, “When students would find out I was Haitian, they would say, ‘Do you eat cats? Do you practice Voodoo?’ When I was questioning my gender expression during high school, students would come up to me and say ‘So what are you, a he-she?’ What they didn’t see is how all those slurs tore at my heart, and made me feel like I just couldn’t be myself. I felt my voice was taken away from me. One day, I swallowed a bottle of pills because I thought I just wanted to end it all. After my suicide attempt, I started volunteering at YES Institute and found my voice again. This is why I’m speaking out today, so no student has to feel uncomfortable in their own skin.”

After Sky spoke, students erupted in lengthy applause while many faculty and students were visibly moved to tears by his story. A flurry of hands, questions, and dialogue ensued.

Several students signed up to develop their own powerful voices by participating in YES Institute’s Communication Solutions™ taking place over the MLK holiday weekend - Saturday, January 19 & Sunday, January 20. This course is also available to MDCPS faculty for Master Plan Points.

Registration is open for this course and the entire weekend, Communicating Powerfully & ReVisioning Gender. The weekend also includes Parts 1 & 2 of the Gender & Orientation Series™ – Gender Continuum on Friday, January 18, and Deciphering the Matrix of Orientation on January 21. Call today 305-663-7195 to register, or email brittney@yesinstitute.org for more info.

MAST Academy students ask questions to YES Institute staff.

Four Pioneering Hotels Engage in Pink Flamingo Hospitality Training

From September 2011 to November 2012, over 155 hospitality industry professionals across Greater Miami and the Beaches have experienced the Pink Flamingo Hospitality training led by YES Institute. The Southern Florida Concierge Association, along with Dream Hotel, the W South Beach, and the Viceroy were among the first pioneers to support the vision of safe and welcoming hotel destinations for all customers including gay and transgender travelers.

Canyon Ranch executives with YES Institute staff.

The latest hotel to embark on the Pink Flamingo certification process is Canyon Ranch Miami Beach. Sixteen Canyon Ranch executive staff members participated in the educational dialogue conducted by YES Institute. Winner of the TripAdvisor 2012 Certificate of Excellence award, Canyon Ranch prides itself on their exquisite service. Their participation in Pink Flamingo is another indication of their commitment to an extraordinary customer experience. 

“I’ve learned that dialogue is most important in situations where sexual orientation or gender is in question. Honest inquiry goes a long way.”  - Canyon Ranch participant 

“I consider myself a pretty open person, but definitely this kind of training helped me to know more about this subject. Great job!”  - Canyon Ranch participant

Pink Flamingo Hospitality training for the Viceroy Miami hotel. 

Education for Equity

Martha Fugate answers questions from Equity directors.

The Southeastern Equity Center (SEC) and the Florida Office of Equal Educational Opportunity held a training for Equity Directors from all over Florida’s school districts. Equity Directors assist schools in matters of legal compliance that create equal opportunities for all students. For years, racial conflicts dominated the issues that they faced. Today, more and more schools are facing challenges around the topics of gender and orientation.

SEC invited YES Institute to begin a conversation on these topics. Martha Fugate, the co-founder of YES Institute, and Joseph Zolobczuk, the Director of Education and Research, led the dialogue for over 55 Equity Coordinators in Orlando, Florida.

Martha began the dialogue with a question, “How many of you received phone calls five years ago from principals or trust counselors regarding transgender youth?” No one in the room raised their hand. She followed with “How many of you receive phone calls regarding that now?” About ten hands went up. Martha added, “I predict in five more years everyone in this room will be raising their hand.”

Brandon, a youth speaker with YES Institute, shared about his gender transition. A participant asked, “Why do you share your story, which is so personal, with us?” Brandon said, “Every time I hear about a kid who gets bullied in school or attempts suicide, it breaks my heart. I was lucky to have had a principal and counselor who reached out and got education on gender. I felt like my school cared about me, and it made all the difference. I can’t imagine what kids like me go through in other schools in Florida that don’t have education on gender.”


Some Equity Directors shared:

“I’m of the strong belief that hearing and seeing individuals share their stories educates in an extremely powerful manner. Thank you Brandon for your courage. Thank you for educating me, I am a better person for having been in your presence.”

“This was very informative! I was confused coming into this but have a better understanding of why students feel like a stranger in their own bodies.”

“Although I was trained to treat and respect everyone’s values and preferences, it has been invaluable to learn about the root and depth of gender and orientation.”