Fear Gone, Love Present

By Mark Lockwood, Intern

Mark Lockwood

Before taking Communication Solutions™, I hadn’t talked to my father in five years. For so long, I had been agonized by the fact that I had no relationship with my own father. Over the weekend at YES Institute, I met parents who supported and embraced their children regardless of their orientation. For the first time, I felt hope that I could rekindle love with my father.
   
Suddenly, it dawned on me that the reason I was sitting in this room was to heal the relationship with my father. For years it was my self-pride and bitterness that stopped me from reaching out to him, and now I knew that I could be the one to change it all. I began to practice everything I was learning to prepare for a conversation with my dad.
   
A few weeks after the course, my sister told me that my father wanted to invite me to dinner but he didn’t know how to reconnect. After taking the course, I finally knew how to talk to him, and this was the opportunity to do it. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. When he picked up and said “hello,” I felt a new sense of compassion. I was able to realize that there was love present, and I could finally be with him in that moment and not think about our past.
   
He apologized for hurting me and shared the guilt he carried for years. He was afraid how my coming out would impact me, him, and our family. When I came out as gay five years ago, I interpreted his anger as hatred and shame. I now see that my dad never hated me when I was fourteen, and he doesn’t hate me now...he was just afraid.
  
When I got off the phone, I felt like I could breathe again. After five years of silence, we finally reconnected. The communication model I learned at YES Institute gave me the tools I needed to make that phone call. I now feel comfortable talking to my dad, and most importantly, I feel free to be myself with him.