Winter Celebration Honors Kiaora Members, Welcomes New Friends

by Brittney McCabe

Joseph Kraus, a Kiaora Visionary and long time friend of YES Institute, opened up his beautiful home in Ft. Lauderdale to host our annual winter celebration for the Kiaora Society of Donors. Members and their guests gathered to learn more about the current work of YES Institute and celebrate the results made possible by the generous and steadfast contributions of our Kiaora members.

Amidst the festivities, Visionary and volunteer speaker Patricia shared her family’s inspiring journey to embrace their child’s gender. The entire room was moved by her unconditional love for her child, and many were inspired to donate to YES Institute to ensure families like Patricia’s will always have YES Institute as a resource.

We welcome our new Kiaora members and friends to the YES Institute family!

Patricia shares her story at Kiaora event.

Veteran’s Administration Makes History

by Brittney McCabe, Program Manager

YES Institute video conference with multiple VA sites. 

Multiple video screens connected Veteran’s Administration (VA) hospitals and clinics across Georgia, Florida, and Puerto Rico in the largest-scale dialogue on gender and orientation in the VA's history. The dialogue’s success inspired VA leaders to contact YES Institute about leading an unprecedented national training. 

“When I was in the military, nobody talked about orientation. As a man noticing my attraction to men, I struggled in silence.” - Jim, YES Institute speaker, US Veteran

At the dialogue, a Veteran and YES Institute speaker named Bree shared, “Growing up, I knew I was a girl, but I tried to bury those feelings and play along with everyone's expectation that I be masculine. Shame and hiding made me feel disconnected from my own life. In the Navy, I finally began expressing who I was in a secret journal.”

“My crew-mates were my family and only support. When they found my journal and discovered my secret, they didn't know how to react. They taunted me for weeks. In the end, I tried to kill myself.”- Bree, YES Institute speaker, US Navy Veteran

A VA staff member said, “My discomfort disappeared when I learned about the challenges transgender Veterans face.”

Bree shared with VA staff that she called the VA to access her healthcare and a phone representative repeatedly called her “Sir.” Bree said, “I was hurt and humiliated and I hung up.” It took her two years to regain the courage to claim her VA benefits. Bree said, “Pronouns and names are important. Being acknowledged with a preferred pronoun is healing."

By the time Bree contacted the VA a second time, the staff had participated in a number of YES Institute trainings. They walked Bree through the system with a commitment to ensuring her records were accurate and she had access to quality healthcare. 

“Enlightening! This empowers me to be proactive and learn more. I will share YES Institute's education with others.”— Staff member, Tampa VA

Connie Barden RN, MSN, CCRN, CCNS and Co-Founder of YES Institute.

Sit Down With Our Interns

by Deanna Saunders, Communication Coordinator

Intern Niki H. works with Caro, YES Institute's Project Facilitator

University of Miami medical student Nikhil B. says, “Although I’ve done coursework on the doctor-client relationship, nothing prepared me for communicating with a diverse client base like my internship at YES Institute.”

Since 2007, over fifty interns worked with YES Institute staff toward the shared purpose of keeping all youth safe. The commitment of our interns made it possible for us to reach 4,425 people last year.

"I didn't expect to be so emotionally invested. I saw parents reconnect with their kids during YES Institute courses."-- Erin P., former YES Institute intern

Interns have the opportunity to learn and practice a new model of communication that can strengthen personal and professional relationships. One intern experienced a “break-through” with her father during her time with YES Institute. She said, “My dad believes it’s wrong to be gay and didn’t want me to intern at YES Institute. We used to fight about it a lot. With the new communication model, I can share my viewpoints and listen to his without reacting in anger. He stopped using gay slurs around me.”

YES Institute interns learn about gender and orientation through their experiences with youth and families.  Erin P. says, “My professor knows I worked closely with transgender youth as a YES Institute intern. Now he turns to me in class for information. He calls me ‘the gender expert’.”

"If I can learn this much in a month, I can only imagine what I'll know by December." - Natalie G., current YES Institute intern

Lauren, who interned after working on Wall Street, regained her sense of purpose sharing her personal story at YES Institute courses. She shares, “I saw that there was a reason for lonely moments in my past. My internship empowered me to use my experience to help others.”

To invest in the expansion of our internship program, click here.

Four-Year-Old Says, 'I'm Not a Boy, I’m a Girl'

by Deanna Saunders, Communication Coordinator 

Eduardo, Patricia, and Manuela with YES Institute staff

“Enough!” Eduardo said to his four-year-old child, standing in the bathroom as they got ready for preschool. “We’re already letting you wear a dress. You need to wear your boys’ underwear!” His child looked up at him as he yelled. She said, “But dad, you need to understand. I’m a girl. Girls wear girl's underwear.”

Eduardo’s child was born male but had always seen herself as a girl, slipping t-shirts down to waist-level to make skirts and tying scarves like flowing hair. Eduardo and his wife, Patricia, tried to help their child fit in and act like a boy. Painfully, Patricia even began to spend less time with her toddler, blaming her “feminine influence” for her child’s behavior. After seeking out education in YES Institute’s Gender Continuum and bringing YES Institute resources to their child’s school, the couple chose to stop resisting their child. They now see her as their daughter.

At YES Institute Speakers Night this August, Eduardo told his story, preparing to share it throughout South Florida and abroad in Colombia with our Community Dialogues program. He told his story in Spanish while a volunteer translated. Reaching the part where he yelled at his child, the Colombian business man’s voice broke. He said, “I forgive myself for my mistake. I love my beautiful daughter. I only want her to be happy.”

After Eduardo’s story, Patricia kneeled in front of his chair and put her head against him as they both cried. The couple said that a part of their struggle was feeling alone in their experience, with few people to turn to as role models. Patricia said, “Through sharing our story, we hope that less parents and children experience the pain of uncertainty we went through. We know it will not be an easy path for anyone yet, but to know that one is not alone is a great comfort.”

Eduardo and Patricia’s story was recently featured on the local Fox News affiliate WSVN Channel 7. Emmy Award winning news anchor Lynn Martinez interviewed Eduardo and Patricia’s family and the Executive Director of YES Institute, Rachel Sottile. Click here to watch the video.

To learn more about Gender Continuum and other YES Institute education please contact Caro Hernandez at caro@yesinstitute.org today.

Discovering my New Family

By Deanna S.

As a high school teacher fresh out of college, I felt afraid to share my orientation for the first time since 9th grade. I heard my students call each other “gay” and “booger,” and struggled to find the right way to address it. How could I create a positive classroom for them when even I felt uncomfortable?

I came to a course at YES Institute looking for answers; instead, I found a family. I took every course YES offered, excited each time by the freedom to be whomever I was that day, to ask new questions and to create my own solutions.

After a few courses, a friend who worked at YES Institute told me about YES Institute Young Professional Society (YIYPS). It creates opportunities to meet and network with a community of young professionals who care about YES Institute and are interested in financially investing in the work. Before she finished explaining it to me, I decided to become a Yipster - someone who donates $250.00 a year.

In the years before that conversation, I had always brushed off donation requests from other organizations. I used to think, “I’m a teacher in my early twenties; I can’t afford to fix the air-conditioning in my car, much less donate money!” Having seen the work of YES Institute, I was excited to contribute whatever I could.

At the courses, I had seen kids just like my students expanding as people and community members. During Communication Solutions™, I met a family that had been court-ordered to attend. On the first day, one of the teenage boys raised his hand and told the class, “I always thought I was OK with gay kids, but I realized that I don’t clap them up like I clap up the other kids. I don’t think that’s cool. I should clap everyone up the same.” His brother spent the first day of the course silent, slouched in the back and checking his phone. By the second day, he felt empowered to share his personal story. His surprised smile as he looked around at the other course members listening to his voice—that alone made the course worth it for me.

YES is the kind of place that helps you be your best, whether you’re a young person looking to develop your voice, a family member looking to support a child, or me, a confused young professional figuring out life and work. As a Yipster, I have the opportunity to contribute to my YES family in a new way. After some smart budgeting, I was even able to fix the air conditioning in my car!

Join us at Haven Lounge on South Beach, Thursday, August 29th at 6pm, for our third YIYPS event. 
Come ready to play games and win prizes-- and your first drink is free!  
Please RSVP to caro@yesinstitute.org or at 305-663-7195. 

Deanna shares her story with course participants. 

A Place To Call Home

By Carlo Zepeda

When I first entered the doors of YES Institute, I felt this kismet thing. YES Institute is the kind of place people come in with concerns, ideas, plans, issues, anything and everything. Some people are looking for guidance in dealing with a child who might be the target of bullies; other parents come in searching for solutions on how to deal with a transgender child and other folks come in to explore better ways to communicate.

I came to YES seeking more knowledge about gender and orientation. At one time or another, I thought I knew it all, but boy was I mistaken. I came to YES for the first time to gather information about becoming a summer intern. As a graduate student in Latin American Studies at the University of Miami, I’m very interested in learning about the perceptions and attitudes about orientation among young gay men in Latin America, most specifically in post civil war El Salvador. I want to be part of this great institution because I believe in their mission, which is “to prevent suicide and ensure the healthy development of all youth through powerful communication and education on gender and orientation.” 

Since being selected as one of the 2013 summer interns, I’ve been fortunate to attend some courses YES Institute offers. From Communications Solutions™ to Gender Continuum and Deciphering the Matrix of Orientation, all have enlightened me. I have been able to personally witness some extraordinary human experiences while attending these courses. I vividly remember listening to a Hispanic mother and father recount their experience with their transgender child.  What inspired me most about them was how their relatives, and their neighbors rallied around them. Some had even travelled from Colombia to be in the class to learn about gender, to support them, and to learn about how to use this training with their own family. I was amazed by the generosity of YES Institute and by the love everyone in the room shared with this family. Everyone had a tear, including me.

The benefits of being a summer intern are great and plenty. The best part about being an intern at YES is that I really feel at home. It is my sweet summer home. A peaceful place where I matter, and where I feel appreciated. A home built (not just figurative) for everyone to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel appreciated and to be oneself.

Carlo Zepeda

A New Formula

By Deanna S. volunteer at YES Institute 

“Come here, faggot.” It was my first year teaching Algebra II at Miami Central Senior High School, and a security guard was calling for a student in my classroom.  Afterwards, I talked to my students about how words like “faggot” can hurt people and were not acceptable in my classroom. However, the incident left me worried for my students. I wanted to do more to protect them from harassment around gender and orientation; it took me a year to figure out how.

Miami Central, a low-income high school with textbook shortages and class sizes of up to forty-five, can be a challenging place for students. Compounding the lack of resources, students face frequent bullying around gender and orientation. Every day I hear students call each other “fag,” “booger” (a term for gay), and “shone” (a term for a promiscuous girl.)  One of my students told me that after he got into an argument with a teacher, she called him “gay boy” to the other students.

Gender and orientation slurs contribute to the larger problems of violence, school absences, and teen pregnancy that stand in the way of Miami Central students’ success. Male students feel pressure to prove their masculinity by fighting, resulting in suspension and lost learning time. At least five of my female students this year are pregnant or already have a child.

My students have big dreams and plan to be obstetricians, accountants, and lawyers. Some of them take three buses or walk an hour to get to school. Some of them work full-time jobs after school. I am committed to creating a school environment where they feel safe to be themselves and can concentrate on learning.

My second year at Miami Central, I decided to address bullying by inviting YES Institute to Central. After a month of persistence, and with the help of the assistant principal and the TRUST Counselor, I arranged for YES Institute to present to six Algebra II classes. The speaker, Ebony, shared that hearing orientation slurs as a teenager made her afraid to come out and contributed to her drug problems later in life. I wasn’t sure how my students would react to the presentation, but they were moved by Ebony’s story and asked thoughtful questions about gender and orientation.

These presentations are just the beginning of a new conversation at Miami Central. I’m excited for students and staff to engage in more dialogue about gender and orientation. Through opening communication on these topics, students and staff can work together to make the school a safer place that fosters student achievement and well-being.

Joseph and Ebony share about YES Institute with Miami Central students