My New Refrigerator Magnet

Written by Jenny G. 

I am really glad I participated in Communication Solutions™. The model that YES Institute is teaching youth and families is a wonderful solution to keep relationships working even when there’s confrontation and argument. The classes implement techniques to encourage peaceful interactions with others.

As a young adult, and even now, I struggled with accepting others beliefs or opinions, especially if they didn’t coincide with mine. This course helped me recognize that it is okay to simply meet people where they already are, even if I don’t agree.

The YES Institute model of communication has the ability to support anyone who is facing communication challenges in their family, workplace, or relationships. This course gave me a new choice other than the endless back and forth that characterizes so many of the arguments I’ve had in the past. Rather than wanting to scream, cry, or use violence to force the other person to understand, the model provides clear steps to create a different result that works for everyone.

I keep one of the handouts from the course on my refrigerator. I like to see it everyday. It reminds me to be calm and more patient with others. I can be very stubborn, and that hasn’t gone away, but it reminds me that I have some new tools when I feel like something isn’t working. Looking at the handout also reminds me that I went to YES Institute, and that I loved my experience with my new YES family.

Everyone in the class had a different story or underlying reason, whether personal or professional, for taking the course, but we all walked away with something new and valuable. By the end of the 2 days, what was once a room full of strangers turned into a group of close friends, and it was a truly memorable and educational experience.

YES Institute’s Communication Solutions™ is taking place over the MLK holiday weekend - Saturday, January 19 & Sunday, January 20. This course is also available to MDCPS faculty for Master Plan Points. Registration is open for this course and the entire weekend, Communicating Powerfully & ReVisioning Gender. The weekend also includes Parts 1 & 2 of the Gender & Orientation Series™ – Gender Continuum on Friday, January 18, and Deciphering the Matrix of Orientation on January 21. Call today 305-663-7195 to register, or email brittney@yesinstitute.org for more info.

Jumping Through Hoops for Gender

Rachel Sottile, Executive Director of YES Institute facilitates dialogue. 

Reading an article in The Miami Herald about Shawnice “Pepper” Wilson, a powerful center for the University of Miami’s women’s basketball team, Executive Director Rachel Sottile was inspired to write her a letter.  Moved by her story of growing up in a series of foster homes, Rachel invited Pepper to visit YES Institute and explore the possibility of becoming a volunteer speaker.

During her visit to YES Institute, Pepper learned that the first step to making a difference is communication. She registered for the next Communication Solutions™ and brought her teammate Maria “Moe” Brown. Moe later reflected, “I did not know how powerful and effective this course would be. Not only did I learn new communication skills, I learned life skills that will make my relationships with others even more peaceful and fulfilling.”

Moe contacted Rachel after the course with an idea to bring the whole team to YES Institute as a community project. Her idea led to an opportunity for the UM Women’s Basketball team to visit and participate in a community dialogue with foster care youth, parents, and mental health professionals. Both Moe and Pepper shared about how bullying, gender and orientation have touched their lives in some way.

“I learned that society’s expectations of what a man and woman should be pressures all of us to hide who we really are and how we feel about ourselves. I just want to feel free to express my true self in this world and have it be okay.” - Foster Care Youth

A participant asked the team, “When you were playing basketball in high school, did you talk about gender and orientation among your team?” Nearly every member on the team emphatically nodded their heads. One player said that her coach had very strong beliefs that homosexuality was wrong. Because her coach had a huge impact on her life and served as a kind of mentor, she adopted those beliefs for herself.

University of Miami Women's Basketball Team with Rachel Sottile.

“In high school if any of us had been out as gay, we all knew it would hurt how much time we would have on the court. We all wanted to play no matter what, so no one would take that chance. It just wasn’t something we could talk about.”
- UM Women’s Basketball player

After the dialogue, Pepper shared, “Speaking in front of my teammates was very challenging because as close as I am to all of them, they do not know about my past. After I was done speaking, I know they have a better understanding of who I am in the world, and why YES Institute is so important to me.”

A staff member from the Institute for Children and Family Health said, “The community is changing one person at a time. It’s inspiring to meet Pepper and Moe and hear their stories because I know these two will make a lasting difference.”

MAST Academy Invites YES Institute to “No Place for Hate” Symposium

Lauren, a MAST Academy Junior, courageously stood before her entire student body and took a bold stand on bullying.

“While physical violence is rare at MAST, that’s not the only type of bullying that can cause harm. Name calling, intentionally shunning someone, gossip, and rumors also hurt students. Last year, a girl was called ‘slut’ repeatedly because she declined a date with a male student. The verbal bullying got so bad, she saw no alternative other than to quit our school. It was her lifelong dream to work hard to get into MAST.”

The purpose of the school-wide conference was to raise awareness on bullying and invite MAST students to get involved with No Place for Hate, a program established by the Anti-Defamation League to address many forms of discrimination and harassment.

MAST Academy students during dialogue. 

YES Institute was invited to speak on bullying rooted in gender and orientation, one of the leading slurs prevalent in US schools today. Joseph Zolobczuk, Director of Education with YES Institute asked the audience, “How many of you hear slurs like 'gay' or 'faggot' used to harass other students?” Nearly the entire room raised their hands while uncomfortable laughter rippled across the auditorium.

Sky Guilbaud, Community Liaison with YES Institute shared, “When students would find out I was Haitian, they would say, ‘Do you eat cats? Do you practice Voodoo?’ When I was questioning my gender expression during high school, students would come up to me and say ‘So what are you, a he-she?’ What they didn’t see is how all those slurs tore at my heart, and made me feel like I just couldn’t be myself. I felt my voice was taken away from me. One day, I swallowed a bottle of pills because I thought I just wanted to end it all. After my suicide attempt, I started volunteering at YES Institute and found my voice again. This is why I’m speaking out today, so no student has to feel uncomfortable in their own skin.”

After Sky spoke, students erupted in lengthy applause while many faculty and students were visibly moved to tears by his story. A flurry of hands, questions, and dialogue ensued.

Several students signed up to develop their own powerful voices by participating in YES Institute’s Communication Solutions™ taking place over the MLK holiday weekend - Saturday, January 19 & Sunday, January 20. This course is also available to MDCPS faculty for Master Plan Points.

Registration is open for this course and the entire weekend, Communicating Powerfully & ReVisioning Gender. The weekend also includes Parts 1 & 2 of the Gender & Orientation Series™ – Gender Continuum on Friday, January 18, and Deciphering the Matrix of Orientation on January 21. Call today 305-663-7195 to register, or email brittney@yesinstitute.org for more info.

MAST Academy students ask questions to YES Institute staff.

Four Pioneering Hotels Engage in Pink Flamingo Hospitality Training

From September 2011 to November 2012, over 155 hospitality industry professionals across Greater Miami and the Beaches have experienced the Pink Flamingo Hospitality training led by YES Institute. The Southern Florida Concierge Association, along with Dream Hotel, the W South Beach, and the Viceroy were among the first pioneers to support the vision of safe and welcoming hotel destinations for all customers including gay and transgender travelers.

Canyon Ranch executives with YES Institute staff.

The latest hotel to embark on the Pink Flamingo certification process is Canyon Ranch Miami Beach. Sixteen Canyon Ranch executive staff members participated in the educational dialogue conducted by YES Institute. Winner of the TripAdvisor 2012 Certificate of Excellence award, Canyon Ranch prides itself on their exquisite service. Their participation in Pink Flamingo is another indication of their commitment to an extraordinary customer experience. 

“I’ve learned that dialogue is most important in situations where sexual orientation or gender is in question. Honest inquiry goes a long way.”  - Canyon Ranch participant 

“I consider myself a pretty open person, but definitely this kind of training helped me to know more about this subject. Great job!”  - Canyon Ranch participant

Pink Flamingo Hospitality training for the Viceroy Miami hotel. 

Education for Equity

Martha Fugate answers questions from Equity directors.

The Southeastern Equity Center (SEC) and the Florida Office of Equal Educational Opportunity held a training for Equity Directors from all over Florida’s school districts. Equity Directors assist schools in matters of legal compliance that create equal opportunities for all students. For years, racial conflicts dominated the issues that they faced. Today, more and more schools are facing challenges around the topics of gender and orientation.

SEC invited YES Institute to begin a conversation on these topics. Martha Fugate, the co-founder of YES Institute, and Joseph Zolobczuk, the Director of Education and Research, led the dialogue for over 55 Equity Coordinators in Orlando, Florida.

Martha began the dialogue with a question, “How many of you received phone calls five years ago from principals or trust counselors regarding transgender youth?” No one in the room raised their hand. She followed with “How many of you receive phone calls regarding that now?” About ten hands went up. Martha added, “I predict in five more years everyone in this room will be raising their hand.”

Brandon, a youth speaker with YES Institute, shared about his gender transition. A participant asked, “Why do you share your story, which is so personal, with us?” Brandon said, “Every time I hear about a kid who gets bullied in school or attempts suicide, it breaks my heart. I was lucky to have had a principal and counselor who reached out and got education on gender. I felt like my school cared about me, and it made all the difference. I can’t imagine what kids like me go through in other schools in Florida that don’t have education on gender.”


Some Equity Directors shared:

“I’m of the strong belief that hearing and seeing individuals share their stories educates in an extremely powerful manner. Thank you Brandon for your courage. Thank you for educating me, I am a better person for having been in your presence.”

“This was very informative! I was confused coming into this but have a better understanding of why students feel like a stranger in their own bodies.”

“Although I was trained to treat and respect everyone’s values and preferences, it has been invaluable to learn about the root and depth of gender and orientation.”

Partnership with "Light/The Holocaust & Humanity Project"

Fear Gone, Love Present

By Mark Lockwood, Intern

Mark Lockwood

Before taking Communication Solutions™, I hadn’t talked to my father in five years. For so long, I had been agonized by the fact that I had no relationship with my own father. Over the weekend at YES Institute, I met parents who supported and embraced their children regardless of their orientation. For the first time, I felt hope that I could rekindle love with my father.
   
Suddenly, it dawned on me that the reason I was sitting in this room was to heal the relationship with my father. For years it was my self-pride and bitterness that stopped me from reaching out to him, and now I knew that I could be the one to change it all. I began to practice everything I was learning to prepare for a conversation with my dad.
   
A few weeks after the course, my sister told me that my father wanted to invite me to dinner but he didn’t know how to reconnect. After taking the course, I finally knew how to talk to him, and this was the opportunity to do it. I picked up the phone and dialed his number. When he picked up and said “hello,” I felt a new sense of compassion. I was able to realize that there was love present, and I could finally be with him in that moment and not think about our past.
   
He apologized for hurting me and shared the guilt he carried for years. He was afraid how my coming out would impact me, him, and our family. When I came out as gay five years ago, I interpreted his anger as hatred and shame. I now see that my dad never hated me when I was fourteen, and he doesn’t hate me now...he was just afraid.
  
When I got off the phone, I felt like I could breathe again. After five years of silence, we finally reconnected. The communication model I learned at YES Institute gave me the tools I needed to make that phone call. I now feel comfortable talking to my dad, and most importantly, I feel free to be myself with him.